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Top 10 Things That Will Happen After The X-Files Series Finale
By: Heather (2002)

10.) We'll solve our differences with the NORoMos (Yeah...like that'll ever happen)

9.) You will walk through the store, see sunflower seeds, iced tea, cigarettes, etc and cry

8.) Every mention of the show brings you to tears

7.) CSI ratings will go up (nothing else to watch)

6.) Mass suicides across the US and Canada

5.) The fans will form a cult to keep the memory alive

4.) Fans will beg and plea until a second movie it made

3.) Chris Carter will have to be dragged from his desk, kicking and screaming

2.) We'll have to get a life *gasp*

AND THE NUMBER 1 THING THAT WILL HAPPEN AFTER THE X-FILES IS...

1.) All of the cast members will be kidnapped and forced to act out fan fic.



Top 10 Lines We'll Never Hear On The X-Files

10.) "The alien is speaking, Agent Mulder...I think it wants to phone home."

9.) "Sure, we could have these people killed to protect what they know...but isn't that a little harsh?"

8.) "I've seen this once before, Scully. His name is Casper, and he's what we call a 'friendly' ghost."

7.) "Look under the mask. This is no swamp monster. It's Mr. Handy, the owner of the old country store!"

6.) "My Lord! This conspiracy involves all three of the Gabor sisters!"

5.) "Well, Agent Mulder, you caught us. We'll cooperate fully, of course. What would you like to know?"

4.) "You'll be happy to hear, Assistant Director Skinner, that I've switched over to the nicotine patch."

3.) "The president wants to see you two immediately. His cheeseburger is possessed."

2.) "And it would have worked, too, if it hadn't been for you meddling FBI agents!"

AND THE NUMBER 1 LINE WE'LL NEVER HEAR ON THE X-FILES...

1.) "Gosh, I guess we were wrong...the government did have our best interests at heart, after all!"



Top 10 Reasons Mulder and Scully Aren't Married
By: Heather & Starr

10.) Mulder would have to call Scully by her first name because having two Mulders would confuse him into the grave!

9.) Mulder's sexual comments just wouldn't be the same

8.) Scully would be too busy poppin out the uberScullys to hunt down aliens

7.) Mulder would actually HAVE to speak to Bill at family reunions

6.) Mulder would have to throw out his porn and discontinue his subscription to the Playboy channel

5.) Frohike would go on a jealous rampage killing millions of innocent civillians

4.) Mulder would have to vacume up all of the molded sunflower seed shells scattered around their apartment

3.) Scully would have to shake off her independent tendencies and provide domestic skills for her husband

2.) Mulder would actually have to pull his head out of his ass

AND THE NUMBER 1 REASON MULDER AND SCULLY AREN'T MARRIED IS...

1.) Chris Carter has a masochistic desire to be trampled by angry mobs of shippers



Top 30 Excuses When You're A Phile

These could be used when you were late somewhere, why did didn't show up to an appointment, or whenever you feel the need.

1. I was looking for my abducted sister...
2. I had a meeting with the Assistant Director
3. I was meeting an informant
4. I was infected with the ice worm... that took some time to pass
5. I was trying to kill one of my clones...
6. I was taking care of a "fowl" problem...
7. I was on death row for killing my family... did you know that was a crime?
8. I was trapped in a hostage situation at the bank on Eighth Street...
9. I was being attacked by killer tree bugs
10. I was searching for Flukeman in the sewers, so I don't recommend you sit next to me
11. I was in a trunk going up the mountains, so I'm not in the greatest mood right now.
12. I was in a coma
13. I was getting to know my daughter I didn't even give birth to
14. I was collecting fingers to put in the freezer next to my peas and carrots
15. I was being chased for miles by an invisible elephant
16. I was trying to get my charm bracelet back after Biology class
17. I was predicting my future using the eyes and entrails of my boss
18. I was being held captive in an oubliette by some crazy man...
19. I was busy cleaning human flesh out of the machines at the Recycling plant
20. I was at home trying to remove the Cerulean blue paint off my walls and furnature
21. I was being interrogated after a prostitute was found dead
22. I was abducted by little green men
23. I was drugged
24. I was catching up on my reading... Jose Chung's From Outer Space is an amazing piece of non-fiction science fiction
25. I was eating my favorite snack... human liver with onions
26. I was kidnapped by the government
27. I somehow ended up on the Queen Anne...
28. I stopped by Chaco Chicken for a snack... want a wing?
29. I was killing killer cockroaches in my bathroom
30. I was stuck at home... someone took my car keys



Top 25 Places Mulder Could Have Been When He Was Away

1. In the bathroom ("You just missed him")

2. Under Scully's bed

3. Handcuffed to Scully's bed (Like Krycek is to mine)

4. Working at a local adult video store

5. At the petstore, buying a new fish to replace his Molly

6. Lost in the Mall of America

7. Trying to find the perfect wedding ring for Scully

8. Busy arranging the wedding

9. At his house in the country, the one his dad left him (If you read fanfics... you understand this!)

10. At the hot seat on Who Wants to be a Millionaire

11. Eatting bugs on Survivor

12. Practicing to be one of Britneys backup dancers!

13. He's out at a bar, spending Williams college money ($86 wasted already!)

14. Getting N-Y tattooed on his ass (Better late than never, right?)

15. Flicking pencils onto Scullys ceiling

16. Sun bathing in Hawaii

17. Laughing over Diana Fowleys grave

18. Stocking up on sunflower seeds in Nevada for $1.89

19. Star Tours at Disneyland

20. Waiting in line to see the new Star Wars movie

21. Working at McDonalds, saving up for William's college education

22. Taking a class on how to hold a gun

23. Practicing to be in Major League Baseball

24. Graceland

25. Recording a hip-hop CD in LA